Creating Polyannie
Here are my notes of overcoming myself on camera
Day 5
I’ve learned that having a few consistent tipping followers that I connect with feels better than a hundred viewers that are silent. But a thousand viewers feels really good too. I can feel and use all that energy. It’s powerful. I want to create a space for people to come and feel good and contribute to my feeling good. And we create a loop of positive exchange. Discovering my sexual power, I remember that it’s my world and my game to create in the way that feels the best. By guiding myself to more resonant frequencies, the viewers become entrained. (I wonder how the word entertainment and entrainment relate). The element that feels the best when I’m broadcasting is the authentic flow. I’ve only achieved it a few times in the past 5 days. But that’s what I’m going for. Everytime I show up on the cam, I want to get into that state. My goal: set the intentions, activate the flow state, receive. It’s that easy.
Before each session I take an hour to prepare. Pull cards. Meditate. Affirmations*. Intentions — Goals (I’m going to do this to achieve this). Plan show. Set up. Broadcast. Flow.
Just like hooping… train myself to activate that state each time I hit that broadcast button. But this time I know more and can connect more genuinely!
Evening session- Day 5
Was my favorite yet. I felt excited to do it! I got positive feedback. Made 265 tokens. Finished a piece of art. I drew cards to prepare for the session.
Stargazer card- dream and dream big because it’s coming!
Solar Plexus- you are unique, be yourself, there is power in that!
Full Moon in Capricorn- show up each day. The time is ripe for the groundwork! Mother Earth- love them, love the process, nurture them, bring your creative feminine energy to the community.
It feels really good.
Friends.
Day 6
Less is more. The more I settle, relax, show off my body, and be sensual the better I think I will do. A couple days ago I felt so awkward trying to be sexy, but I think I get it now ! Glad I pressed through all that. Feeling very excited about what is ahead!
Recruited second lover for my show! I think “N” will do well. To have him and “P1” together would be amazing.
Looking forward to the toy coming! That’s going to be way fun.
Day 7
This mornings session felt fairly comfortable. I’m starting to settle into my PolyAnnie character more. Taking time to watch other cammers is beneficial. I will make that part of my daily work. Set aside some tokens to support the others. Build them up, share positive energy, and make connections. People on CB will know polyannie. And they will like her. She’s nice. I like being known as a good person, a genuine person. Maybe polyannie can be more confident and direct than me. I put that intention out there.
I am inspired to do a live on my art Facebook. Just have camera set up and make art.
Today feels exciting. I feel alive!!
Day 8
Today’s cards:
Stone of Self- your power lies in your natural gifts, so be yourself.
Trust/Path of South- open up, it’s ok to open up. Let people get to know you.
Throat Chakra- expression and speaking/ sharing thoughts & ideas
Eagle- see the bigger picture. Sun energy. Power
Themes: sun energy- bale hay while the sun is shining. Expression and openness
6/16 Lost track of the days…. didn’t cam at all yesterday. And only in the morning on Friday. Though Friday morning was my best solo session. Im going to be very good at this. Focus now is creating exclusive content. Feeling a little low this morning. Drank too much yesterday. I don’t want to do that again. I think scheduling a day off each week will be good. Maybe agree to do so many broadcasts each week. I also want to start documenting the number of follows, tokens earned, viewer count, time of day. I’ll add that to my pre and post broadcast routine.
It is my intention today to shift my energy and feel good as I can today. For my audience, for my family, for myself. Things work out better the better I feel. Today I’m going to work on the new piece. Sunday morning art with Polyannie….
That was a pretty crappy experience. I had to abruptly end the broadcast because I was getting too anxious to even talk. Total shut down. Fuck. I gained 5 followers, and someone sent another artist cammer to my page. That is good. It’s about feeling good. It always goes back to that. Why would be waste energy paddling upstream when we are easily carried downstream with no effort and everything we want is downstream. I don’t doubt my dedication to this work. Everyday I have showed up. Everyday it has consumed my thoughts. Everyday my actions have shown this. My excitement is not consistent and my emotions get in the way. But I know that the goal is feel good. Feel so fucking good. Focus on the good parts. Address the not so good moments, problem solve, move on. I feel defensive. I feel that way because I don’t want to paddle upstream. I want credit for the good. Yeah I suck sometimes. We all do. But I can’t be a successful sex artist if I’m feeling bad and low. I need to chill on the drinking. I need to fine tune my focus on my goals.
Thought: the goal is to get people to climax. Build them up and guide them to orgasm. They will associate that powerful feeling with the cammer and be more likely to tip and return. If not climax, stimulate them, guide them to feeling good and happy. That will accomplish the same. Less powerful though. But to combine the 2 and drive people wild with excitement and pleasure will create lasting and loyal fans.
